In parking lot H of UST’s north campus, there sits a car so unique it could capture your attention from a mile away. Do not be mistaken though, it is not the make or model of this car that catches your eye, but the color—or maybe more accurately: colors.
From top to bottom and around both sides, stickers of ever shape, size, & shade are plastered to this vehicle’s back end. At first glance your mind registers only the sheer volume of rectangular adhesives present, but upon closer inspection you become very well acquainted with the witty quips on each individual bumper sticker. As you stare at these pieces of vehicular dialogue, you may begin to feel an overwhelming desire to applaud…or lash out irrationally.
Simply stated, this distinctive vehicle is a conservative-mobile of obsessive proportions. Among its many opinionated messages is a directive to “Annoy a Liberal,” as well as the sentiment “If you object to logging try using plastic toilet paper.” I for one love this car, but I also am admittedly biased considering that I am the proud owner. In a way, I am a bumper sticker connoisseur—always searching for a newer, bolder, more controversial statement to add to my collection.
So it is with this in mind that the new column, “Vehicular Dialogue,” has been added to the St. Thomas Standard. In each issue of St. Thomas’ conservative newspaper, you will find a tribute to (or rebuke of) the “Sticker of the Month.” Any sticker that contains special wit, wisdom, or just plain stupidity is up for grabs; but be prepared, my editorial comments are not “PC,” for I live up to what my car’s bumper says: “politically incorrect…and proud of it!”
Since when does the Bill of Rights grant people “the right to not be offended?”
Thankfully, it never has. Now that the Democrats control the House and Senate it won’t be long before they introduce the Speech Police Department to monitor every insufferable word uttered by conservatives! First on their list of intolerable words to ban will be that dreaded greeting that pops up every year in the month of December: “Merry Christmas!” Never mind that 83 percent of Americans consider themselves Christians, for “Merry Christmas” is simply overly offensive and therefore cannot be tolerated!
God forbid (or should I say, Non-Existent Higher Power forbid) that we insult someone by cheerfully wishing them a happy holiday that they don’t celebrate! I would definitely be scarred for life if someone told me to have a nice Visakha Puja Day (Buddha’s birthday) or a happy Mawlid al-Nabi (Mohammed’s birthday)… please!
Nevertheless, this Christmas, it appears that Muslim and Buddhist kids on the Toys for Tots donation list are offended. How dare some dumb religious American give them a talking Jesus doll as their Christmas gift!
A Los Angeles company offered to donate 4,000 talking Jesus dolls, which quote Bible verses, for distribution to needy children. Toys for Tots originally rejected this generous contribution, because of the offense it would bring if these dolls happened to be received by non-Christian children.
May I point out the obvious here? Why on earth are Muslim and Buddhist kids on the “underprivileged children in need of Christmas presents” list?! Furthermore, who is to say that a Muslim child would, in fact, be offended by receiving a talking Jesus doll for Christmas? Aren’t liberals always claiming that Islam doesn’t encourage the hatred of Christians because they consider Jesus to be a good man and a great prophet?
Fortunately, there was enough public outrage over the rejection of the Jesus action figures that Toys for Tots decided to reconsider. Apparently, they needed reminding that Jesus is not “so last century;” He is still a “must have” for Christmas this year!
Kudos to the great Americans that reminded Toys for Tots that Jesus Christ is the reason for the season. So, annoy a liberal this holiday and wish them, “Merry Christmas,” for Christ’s sake!
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